Jared
'''Jared is a main character who as of Season 13, is part of The Real Anime Club. Background This mysterious character has an ambiguous background, but it is known that Jared was born in New Zealand with a "Mostly Iban", Australian and Chinese heritage. However, it is sometimes speculated that Jared and his family escaped Vietnam during the Vietnam War in a boat, arriving in New Zealand as a FOB (Fresh Off The Boat). Controversy In spite of his moralism, a brief moment of not-goodery, spreading explicit website links and images on Skype in Season 9 revealed that Jared himself may enjoy immoral acts. These bursts of evil have become a consistent staple of the character, events such as the Jared V. Crib Members trial in Season 12 spawning the theory that Jared is a Machiavellian villain, scheming in the background while appearing to be a typical kid as a persona. Personality "That's not good": Jared is a religious zealot, often wearing a cross and disavowing immoral behaviour. However, he has always remained neutral on political issues, often spouting the phrase "no comment". This may be due to his controversial opinions, including the support of a tenth crusade against Muslims. Relationships Friends Thomas - Thomas is a friend of Jared's Sexual Relationships Jared has had many sexual relationships over the course of the show. Jared has many fucking girlfriends. He fucked Oscars mom during the KingZonLie arc. Jared also viscously fucked taylor in the pussy during the Rotorua Arc. Jared currently has an arranged marriage with Su Ann Enemies Drug Addiction At some point during the series Jared developed a cocaine addiction. This is only ever brought up in the 'Rotorua Trip Special' Episode. It is unknown when the addiction started but it is clear that Jared was at his worst during the Rotorua Arc. In the Arc Jared is left behind at school to 'get over' his cocaine addiction while the other students go on a school field trip. Jared decides to do one more line of cocaine before he goes cold turkey. Jared snorts too much cocaine and, while under the influence, decides to get revenge on everyone for leaving him behind. Grabbing a big bag of cocaine he strips naked and hides in the baggage compartment under the bus. While in the baggage compartment jared got bored. He started eating cocaine for entertainment which made his hallucinations more vivid and life-like. He also got super horny..like really horny. He opened up Kony's bag and took his slippers out. "Worms ultimate mayhem....Slippers...slip on my cock" Jared started humping Kony's slippers furiously. "I-I'm THOMAS CAAAAAASEMENT!!!" He jizzed all over Kony's slippers and put them back in his bag, He then noticed kony's bag of M&M's. Jareds hallucinations were out of control at this point, Thinking that his own mouth was placed on his ass Jared began shoving M&M's up his anus. "Mmmm Tasty!" Jared got through half the packet before he got bored and fell asleep. (To be continued) Evil Jared Every so often Jared gets sick of everyones shit and turns into 'Evil Jared' Evil jared thinks he's evil but in reality all he does is mildly inconvenience people, and sometimes not even that. Examples include * Putting 3 ice cubes in a mans drink when he asked for 'A couple' * Not correcting the cashier when she undercharged him by 20c * Giving people wrong directions * Going out of his way to replace all bendy straws with non-bendy straws * Only ever giving homeless people 10c, the smallest amount possible * Parking in disabled parking spaces * Walking into a store 5 minutes before they close * Not thanking the bus driver when he gets off the bus * Calling people 'Poo poo heads' * Yelling out shotgun when getting into a taxi (This often results in the taxi driver making him sit in the back) * Walking across the road when the red light is flashing or the countdown has nearly finished * Offering to help pick something up that someone has dropped and then dropping it back on the floor instead of handing it to them. * Not saying please and thank you * Posting things on peoples facebook profiles if they forget to log out of their account It is also noted that while jared is 'Evil Jared' he sounds like skeleton from from the He-Man cartoons. He is very insecure and tears up whenever someone calls him names or says he's not evil. Although known as 'Evil' Jared he never actually causes any harm to anyone. Failed Projects * Horiville Whoreyville * Poo Fist * Spilling the Nerds 3 * Iron Penis * His life Songs "How many dollars" How many dollars do I need to buy a rig? ... 'Jared's Anthem ' I know, I know I've let you down I've been a fool to myself I thought that I could Live for no one else But now, through all the hurt & pain It's time for me to respect The ones you love Mean more than anything So with sadness in my heart (I) feel the best thing I could do Is end it all And leave forever What's done is done It feels so bad What once was happy now is sad I'll never love again My world is ending I wish that I could turn back time 'Cause now the guilt is all mine Can't live without The trust from those you love I know we can't forget the past You can't forget love & pride Because of that, it's killing me inside It all returns to nothing, it all comes tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down... It all returns to nothing, I just keep letting me down, letting me down, letting me down... ''In my heart of hearts ''I know that I could never love again I've lost everything Everything Everything that matters to me Matters in this world I wish that I could turn back time 'Cause now the guilt is all mine Can't live without The trust from those you love I know we can't forget the past You can't forget love & pride Because of that, it's killing me inside It all returns to nothing, it all comes tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down... It all returns to nothing, I just keep letting me down, letting me down, letting me down... It all returns to nothing, it all comes tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down... It all returns to nothing, I just keep letting me down, letting me down, letting me down... Appearances *TGS Act I - Was a quiet kid who sat next to Joseph in the front of the class. *Fluke's Bye Bye Dinner - Made a dish from assortments in the Buffet: x5 apples, x3 oranges w/ meat; dish was named "The Troller". *Pat's Birthday *BIS Act I *BIS Act II *History Scholarship Special *The End of The Real Anime Club Quotes * "Is it?" * "Thaat's nooot goooood..." * "I'm Thomas Casement..." * "Worms Ultimate Mayhem..." * Worms revolUTION..." * "Thomas plz..." * "The kids." * "Nigger." (X 4) * "I saw you at TGS..." * "I saw the Planes trailer in the holidays..." Trivia | |[[Category:Characters]]||}} * Jared is one of the two characters (the other being Ossian) who have had the most affiliations during the TGS Era. Category:The Real Anime Club